


James is a complete idiot

by alwerakoo



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 5 Times, 5+1 Things, Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Boys In Love, Childhood Friends, Coming Out, Crushes, Established Relationship, Established Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Sixth Year, Humor, James Potter Being an Idiot, Kissing, LGBTQ Character, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Nice Peter Pettigrew, Oblivious James Potter, Platonic Relationships, Quidditch, Romance, Secret Relationship, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin Fluff, Swearing, Teen Romance, Teenagers, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:55:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25530940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alwerakoo/pseuds/alwerakoo
Summary: " "Gentlemen," he looked around at the three of them. "I think it's time."Remus frowned."Time for what?" asked Peter, adding a little more sugar to oatmeal.However, Remus noticed he was a bit paler then a minute ago. James looked directly at him."Oh no, is it something illegal a-""I think it's time to find girlfriends." "Five times James was being an idiot and one time he finally realised something.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 10
Kudos: 449





	James is a complete idiot

**Author's Note:**

> This was translated to English, so let me know about any mistakes!

**1.**

James Potter was not the brightest.

Although he was one of the best in his class when it came to casting spells, he still scored fairly average on everything that wasn't potions, and from the moment he asked what the capital of Mexico was, Remus was sure that it was definitely not his strong side.

But anyone thinking he would be ashamed of it, was in fact, extremely wrong.

It was one of the things Remus always admired about him. James was one of the few people who could consistency laugh at themselves, and at the same time had an ego so large that it would be necessary to dig a separate grave for it.

Still, Remus wouldn't call James stupid. Rather, he was exceptionally oblivions and a bit of a dumbass, as he found out that one autumn morning.

It was the end of a very sunny and warm September. The rays of the rising sun shone through the windows of the Great Hall. And Remus was sleepy, his head ached, and all he wanted was to eat his toast in peace. And maybe for Sirius to stop nudging his shin with his foot under the table.

James cleared his throat, just when Lupin was about to kindly tell Sirius what he'll do to his legs if he won't stop, and all three of them looked at him.

Potter was sitting upright, his fingers clasped, with the same smile he always had when he was about to say something very stupid. Remus felt his migraine intensify even before James opened his mouth.

"Gentlemen," he looked around at the three of them. "I think it's time.

Remus frowned.

"Time for what?" asked Peter, adding a little more sugar to oatmeal.

However, Remus noticed he was a bit paler then a minute ago. James looked directly at him.

"Oh no, is it something illegal a-"

"I think it's time to find girlfriends."

"Wait, what the fuc- Sirius, I'm gonna rip your fucking legs off." he said angrily, because Sirius suddenly sat up straight on his chair and accidentally stomped on his foot. Peter went completely pale.

"I just feel that this year will be our year. You know what I'm talking about?"

"It's gonna be your year if you even pass the exams." Sirius said.

James completely ignored him. Remus thought that he should be worrying about his exams because won't be able to just copy off him this time, but didn't say anything.

"And I thought that, uh... Well, I feel like it's going to be a lucky year."

"You read that in your tea leaves?" Sirius asked, with a smirk

"Sure. I also found out some things about your mother, want to hear them?"

Remus rolled his eyes.

"Anyway," James started again. "Who do you like? Well, you know that about me so-"

Sirius giggled.

"Again? You just love how beautiful Lily looks when she says: " _No, you fucking toerag, piss off_ ", am I right?"

"Oh, fuck off." he murmured, but the tip of his nose turned red.

Peter slowly put down the spoon, which froze halfway to his mouth.

"And how do you know we even want girlfriends?"

Remus gave him a stealthy look.

"Oh, come on, Peter. I'm sure someone caught your eye. Padfoot, shut up. What?

Wormtail blushed.

"Well... There's this one girl, actually."

Remus raised one eyebrow.

"Really? Which one? Sirius, don't even try."

Sirius looked very offended, but didn't say anything.

"Her," he motioned with his head towards the Hufflepuff's table, "the one on the left. With curly hair."

James patted him on the back, staring at the back of the girl's ponytail. "Well, that makes the two of us. Now-"

"I wouldn't be so sure." Peter sighted. "I don't even know if she's single."

"Peter. Wormtail. My old pal. Trust me. I know how to make girls go crazy over you."

Sirius busted out laughing.

"Oh, I'm sure Evans wouldn't agree with you on that one."

James rolled his eyes.

"But your mom would agree."

Remus covered his face with his hands and sighed.

Outside the windows, the sun was slowly climbing higher and higher in the sky, the toast on Remus' plate was now completely cold. But at least he could be grateful that Sirius finally stopped kicking him under the table, too busy bickering with James.

"And what about you, Remus?"

Lupin jerked his head up at the sound of his name.

"Huh? What about me?"

"Who do you fancy?"

Remus' cheeks suddenly felt very hot.

"Me?"

He exchanged a look with Peter, who just shrugged. Sirius covered his mouth with his hand, but Remus knew him well enough to know he was trying not to laugh.

"Oh, you know... I never thought about it." he didn't sound convincing and was very aware of that.

James puffed his lips.

"Really? Come on, not even once?"

Now Peter was also giggling, trying to hide it with is cup of tea.

"No." he said, as firmly as he could

James looked around.

"What's so funny?" he asked as if he had just noticed the other two, who were to no avail trying to hide their amusement.

When Sirius finally calmed down, he gave Lupin a meaningful look.

"Nothing. I just hope that our Moony will find love soon."

"Oh, I will, don't even worry about it." he scoffed, but felt himself smiling anyway.

Sirius' dark hair was falling around his face, his nose and cheeks were pink, and Remus could never be mad at him for long when he looked so carefree.

"Well, you and Padfoot can look for ladies together then" said James, sipping the rest of his tea.

"But I already have a sweetheart."

He run his fingers through his hair. Lupin swallowed hard and looked away.

"Wait, for real? Who?"

"Your mum, of course."

Peter looked at Remus, then dramatically rolled his eyes.

James and Sirius fell into their usual breakfast routine of name calling and being very loud, without really saying anything.

Lupin ate his toast. It wasn't warm anymore, but at least his migraine seemed to be slowly disappearing. And Sirius rested his hand on his thigh under the table, so really, he had nothing to complain about.

When Peter finally finished his oatmeal, they walked out of the Great Hall together, like they always did, but eventually split up at the entrance to the dungeons.

"I think I forgot my textbook. Remus, I think I lent it to you yesterday. Would you mind helping me look for it?"

When James and Peter disappeared from the view, Sirius looked at him with a cheeky smile.

"So? Are you gonna need help finding a girlfriend?" he put his hand on his forearm and pulled, making Remus bend down a little and whispered to his ear, "You know I'm always willing to help."

"Oh, piss off."

Remus rolled his eyes, but he didn't protest when Sirius kissed him on the cheek.

They walked in silence for a while (definitely not heading towards the Gryffindor tower).

"James really doesn't know, does he?" asked Lupin, but from the tone of his voice it was obvious he already knew the answer.

Sirius shrugged.

"Well, we never told him." he pointed out.

"Yeah, but we also never told Peter. He kind of... Figured it out himself."

They were silent for a while. Remus admired the way Sirius's hair looked in the morning lightning.

"Maybe we just need to be a little more straightforward"

"Well, he's not the brightest, that's for sure."

Sirius held his hand, laughing quietly.

"Hey, don't worry about it too much, okay? he whispered suddenly. "He'll probably forget about that tomorrow."

It was one of the things Remus loved about Sirius. His ability to effortlessly read his emotions without any words.

He smiled.

"I won't."

**2.**

But Remus couldn't stop thinking about that conversation. It was still playing, over and over again in his head that night, when he was turning from side to side for a long time, not being able to sleep, and also the next morning, when all four of them were heading through the membrane to the greenhouse for their herbology lesson.

And apparently, James did not forget either.

"So?"

"What?"

It rained at night, and the soggy grass left wet spots on the tips of Remus's shoes. Which wouldn't be so bad if only his left sole would have been so nice and stopped letting so much water get near his socks.

"Did any of the girls caught your eye?"

Remus froze halfway through a fruitless attempt to reattach the sole to boot and looked up at James.

He smiled like he always did when he was joking, but you could see that this time there was a more seriousness in his question.

"Don't rush love, James." Sirius replied for him, mimicking the tone of voice Professor McGonnagal was always using while reprimanding her students

Peter giggled.

"I was just asking." he shrugged.

"You know you can start being a lady's man without me, right?"

He straightened out, hoping that James wouldn't notice how red his face was.

"Without us." Sirius chimed in, then threw one arm over Remus's shoulders and pulled him closer. "We don't need any girls. Right, Moony?"

Remus's heart skipped a bit, this time not only because Sirius was so close. He watched James's face carefully.

"Well, your loss. Just don't get jealous when all the ladies will be after us. Right, Peter?"

But Peter was too busy looking at Lupin with wide eyes. Sirius just sighed and shook his head. As they approached the greenhouse, his hand slowly slid lower from Remus's arm, landing on his hip.

James talked about the upcoming match, playing with a fake snitch.

**3.**

Remus would have been very grateful if by the end of the school year James would be only worrying about his Quiddich and not other people's love lives. Especially when he was just trying to talk to Lucy.

He felt his eyes on him when the girl handed him back the books she borrowed.

"Thanks a lot again." she affirmed, smiling kindly. "You're always so helpful."

"Uhm. You're welcome." he replied, but his gaze was still on James, who just waved to him from the other end of the hallway. "Sorry, I gotta go."

"Oh." for a moment, she looked slightly disappointed. "All right then. See you."

She went the other way, throwing back her blond hair. Remus didn't notice how she looked back at him one more time.

"What?" he snarled, coming up to James.

His friend just smiled.

"Nothing... Just, you know, she really likes you."

"Who? Lucy?" he turned around, but she had already disappeared. "You're joking."

He started walking towards the transmutation class, with James next to him struggling to keep up with his pace.

"Maybe she does. Maybe she doesn't..." he jabbed Remus's side with his elbow. "I'm just saying."

Remus wanted to say something, preferably tell him to shut up. But then he saw Sirius, leaning on the wall at the end of the corridor loudly arguing with Peter over something, and suddenly couldn't think about anything other then his boy.

**4.**

Apparently, the sight of Sirius didn't have the same effect on James. Which was generally a good thing, but this case was an obvious exception.

"Hey, Peter. Look."

James said it quietly, but if he was trying to be discreet, the other boys ruined it by all turning their heads.

A bunch of girls was coming from the other end of the corridor, and Remus immediately recognized the Hufflepuff with curly hair.

Now that she wasn't sitting at the other end of the Great Hall, he could take a better look at her. She had dark skin, black eyes, and by looking at her face, Lupin could easily understand why she caught his friend eye.

Peter quickly look down, his face turning red.

The girls passed them, completely ignoring their presence, but Remus could have sworn that the Hufflepuff shot Peter a quick glance. James turned his head to look after them, and whistled silently.

"You're not gonna get her attention staring at the floor all the time."

"Come on, Prongs, leave the boy alone" Sirius scolded him, but was clearly trying not to laugh.

Remus felt himself smiling.

They walked for a while in silence, and Peter slowly went back to his normal color.

"You know, she's probably friends with Lucy. That girl. I saw them together a few times." James blurted out suddenly.

Sirius frowned, and Remus felt his smile drop.

"Who's Lucy?"

"That Ravenclaw girl. The one that keeps making googly eyes at Moony."

"She does not." he murmured, but loud enough for James to hear it. "I lend her my books. She helps me with homework. That's it."

Potter rolled his eyes. Sirius shot him a quick glance, but Remus couldn't name the expression on his face.

"Sureee. Because you need sooo much help with you homework..."

"I'm getting good grades, because I work hard, James. Not everyone has a nice friend they can just copy off of."

They got to the portrait of a Fat Lady, who seemed too busy looking at herself in her mirror to notice them.

"And," he added, "I think Lucy has a boyfriend."

It was a lie and Remus knew it (and apparently Peter did too, because he looked at him with a slightly amused look on his face), but if he had to say that the girl was planning on moving to the other half of the world to live in the forest with unicorns, he would so as long as that would make

James drop the subject.

"Oh. Well, that's a shame." he actually sounded genuinely disappointment.

Peter said the password, and after repeating it a few times, he was finally noticed.

Before Sirius could walk through the portrait hole, Remus grabbed him by the arm, pulled back a little and whispered in his ear:

" _Don't be jealous_."

Sirius turned to him. He looked up into his eyes and smiled.

"I'm not" He said, and Lupin was a bit surprised by how honest he sounded.

"Oh. Well, that's good. You have nothing to worry about."

"Oh, I know." he emphasized, putting one leg through the entrance and stopped to move his hair out of his eyes, then run his finger through them. "Maybe I would be, if she had _better_ hair..."

**5.**

By mid-October, he was already convinced that James wasn't going to let go of his plans so easily, and Remus had already had enough of it.

In his humble opinion, he had every right to be mad when James look at him funny every time he looked in the general direction of a girl. Still a large part of him couldn't deny that James' efforts had sort of a positive effect on his other friend.

In the end, it was hard for him not to feel happy for Peter when he finally managed to keep eye contact with the Hufflepuff girl for more than a second. And when he finally found out what her name, all four of them sneaked into the kitchen at night, coming back with trays of cookies to share in celebration.

Heather generally seemed to become more and more of a frequent topic of their conversations, which made Remus feel hopeful, thinking that might distract James from him and Sirius and their apparent lack of interest in the girls.

He was wrong, of course, but deep down he never really expected James to let go so easily.

"Like, what am I supposed to tell him? "Sorry, I'm not interested in girls, I've been snogging your best friend for the past six months"?"

Peter pushed the big pile of books that he had surrounded himself with to look at him.

On Sundays, the library was always almost empty, which, according to Remus, was just how it's supposed to be. Usually he would go alone, but this time Peter asked him for help with his transmutation essay, and since in his case " _help_ " meant actual help, not " _just let me copy it from you_ ", Remus agreed without much hesitation.

But soon the subject of their conversation changed from mugs and turtles to James.

"Yes" he answered without hesitation. "I think that's exactly what you should tell him."

Remus sighed, crossing out another sentence from his own work and accidentally making a blob with ink.

"What kind of stupid idea was that, anyway?" he snarled, feeling his finger tighten on his quill. "Maybe not all of us want to have a girlfriends at the same time as you do, you ever thought about that, Potter? _Fucking_ -"

He swung his hand, accidentally knocking over his inkwell with an elbow. Ink spilled over the table, covering the right sleeve of his robe and most of his homework. He cursed, very loudly, completely ignoring the look that Mrs. Pince gave him from across the library.

Peter, visibly impressed by the amount of bad words Remus could spat out in that short amount of time, gave him his handkerchief.

"Maybe you're right. But you know, James just wants to help you... I mean," he corrected after Remus gave him an evil eye, "he thinks he's helping you."

Lupin huffed, but he knew Peter was right. He gave back his handkerchief.

"You know, he helped me a lot. With Heather and all. He always talks about it like I actually have a chance with her. That if I had have enough courage, I could..."

"Because it's true." Remus interjected.

"Anyway," he continued, trying to hide his blush "You should just tell him if he's not too dumb to figure it out."

Remus said that James wasn't really that stupid, which he regretted as soon as they went down to the Great Hall for dinner.

"Finally! Where were you?"

Remus sat next to Sirius, who nudged his foot as a form of greeting.

"In the library." he replied. "I told you we were going to be there."

"Oh. So you actually went there..."

"Of course. What do you thought we meant by "library"?"

James smiled at him.

"Oh, you know... "Out". Like, with a girl..."

**+1.**

They didn't really talk about it.

It was impossible with other people around, and when it was just the two of them, they had many more interesting things to do than talking about James.

Deep down, Remus knew that ignoring the whole situation wasn't the best option. Although he himself had a habit of running away from his problems, it was definitely not in Sirius's style.

"We have to tell him." he said, moving away slightly.

Pale rays of sunshine were shining through the windows of the dormitory. Warm September quickly changed to cold November, turning the heated grass and the smell of flowers into another fuzzy memory of the last summer.

Remus leaned forward, kissing Sirius one more time.

"Uhm. I know."

Remus brushed a few hair out of Sirius face and cupped his face in his hands.

"I know." he repeated. -"We'll tell him. Anytime you want. Even today."

Sirius just smiled and pulled him closer.

But they didn't. Not when they were eating breakfast, not after the herbalist's lesson nor in the evening.

Remus kept telling himself that it was never the right time. The truth was, every time he opened his mouth, it felt like a lump in his throat, growing every minute, making it impossible to speak. Sirius wasn't that much of a help, staring down at the floor and ignoring his pleading looks.

So they both danced around the problem for the next two weeks.

Hogwarts students saw the last of sunny, warm days, filled with laying on the grass and playing in the waters of the Great Lake, and soon fireplaces the in the Gryffindor's common room were roaring with fire.

However, the cold air and more frequent rainfalls didn't stop the Quiddich team captain from forcing his teammates to regular training sessions, after which James returned to the dormitory tired, dirty and angry at the whole world. Remus supposed he should be feeling bad for him, but couldn't help feeling excited when he heard about all the progress their team was making.

"We really have a chance to win the cup this year," James announced over dinner.

"Well, if you win, you'll for sure impress Lily."

James looked at him, the tip of his nose turning pink.

"You think so?"

Sirius busted out laughing.

But in this case, Potter was at least partially right.

Winning against the Ravenclaws was only the first step, but the whole Gryffindor tower celebrated as if they had already won.

Remus didn't like loud parties. Mainly because they were usually just that: loud, which was one of the things he hated the most, right next to wet socks. Normally he would hide in a dormitory, waiting for it to die down and hope he will be able to get some sleep that night. But this time, Sirius practically forced him to stay, saying he had "something special for the occasion", and Remus just "couldn't miss it".

It turned out to be four bottles of firewhiskey. Remus wasn't really surprised.

The whole common room cheered, and after forcing younger (very disappointed) kids back to their dormitory, none of them wasted any unnecessary time asking where did Sirius actually got it from.

The whisky turned out to be much stronger than Remus originally thought. He leaned against the back of the couch, feeling the pleasant warmth spreading all over his body.

Sirius was also partially right during that dinner.

To say that Lily was impressed by Potter's skills at catching the snitch, would be a big exaggeration, but she was talking to him, which was already a improvement. The tip of James's nose was very red and Remus was sure it wasn't just his whisky.

He felt someone move right next to him. He turned around and looked at his friend with a smile.

"You know what?" Peter's eyes were a little foggy, but he sounded quite sober and very sure of himself. "I'll write a letter. To Heather. And I'm gonna tell her that... I like her."

Remus laugh.

"Good idea."

They were silent for a while.

"Have you seen Sirius?"

Peter shrugged.

"No, I... " he stopped, staring at something behind Lupin, "Oh. There he is."

Sirius was walking towards them, a little unsteadily, but smiling from ear to ear.

"Well, I'm gonna leave you two alone."

And he disappeared quickly into the crowd.

"Hi." he blurted out, stupidly.

Sirius took Peter's previous place.

"Hi."

They stood in silence for a while, watching James and Lily from across the room.

If he had to be honest, Remus would be completely happy just like that. Being near Sirius has always made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Now, he was also dizzy, but he assumed it might have been just the alcohol.

"They look cute together."

Remus nodded. He felt Sirius's touch his own. Reflectively, he intertwined their fingers.

"Well, not as cute as _us_."

Lupin looked at him, at his bright eyes, his jawline, few gentle freckles on the tip of his nose and not for the first time, he felt the urge to kiss him.

And strangely, he found himself caring about people around them.

He leaned down, resting his hand on his cheek. Sirius threw his arm around his neck, pulling him closer.

He kissed him, hard at first, if he had something to prove. And again, gentler this time.

Somebody whistled. Remus couldn't be sure, but it sounded oddly just like Peter. He felt Sirius smile against his lips.

They pulled away.

Sirius sighed, and then as if pushed by some gut feeling, he looked to the side. Remus followed his gaze.

On the other side of the room, James was standing, staring at them. His mouth and eyes were wide open, the glass he was holding earlier slipped out of his hand, falling and spilling the rest of his whisky on the carpet. Lily stood there, with very amusement face.

" _Oh._ "

For a moment, they just stared at each other. Sirius's hands fell onto Remus's shoulders.

James slowly closed his mouth and frowned as if he was thinking really hard about something. He looked at them again.

And then he smiled a little unsure at first, but quickly turned it into a grin.

He gave them thumbs up.

Remus, whose hands were still shaking, did the same.

And suddenly, he felt as if huge weight was just lifted off his shoulders.

He heard Sirius laugh.

He pulled him closer.

**Author's Note:**

> Peter is a dirty rat man but i tried my best to make him more bearable


End file.
